Tuesday, September 23, 2008


I was getting all the girls in bed (Starman is in Geneva, yes, Switzerland this week) when I found out that a parishioner I visited a couple of times in the hospital, whom I fully expected would go home just fine, had died. This is the second visit I have made to someone in the past four weeks who has died. And I just started doing visits five weeks ago. It hurts, although I barely knew her. It just hurts to know that those she cares about are grieving, and that someone I prayed with, someone I prayed for, is no longer here.

WisePastor just wrote "Part of the problem with being a "parson" (ME person) is that you work with your heart, and it gets broken over and over again" Ouch.

I am feeling rather raw tonight anyway, with Starman gone, and having to take care of three girls and a dog and two cats all by myself, and, well, just life - figuring out what it really means to take on this mantle of pastor, to be God's representative in the world (that seems too presumptuous anyway!). I need a big hug, but I will have to settle for three little ones - I guess that isn't that bad. My heart is broken, but that means it is also open, open I hope to hear what God has to say to me through all of this.


Songbird said...

All I can offer is a cyber hug. (((mumpastor)))
I'll never forget how sad I felt after the first death of a parishioner I had come to love. Bless you.

Teri said...

agreed on the constant broken heartedness....sigh, and (((mumpastor))). I still cry over the loss of my first parishioner. And I remember thinking: "how do we go on losing people we love, over and over?"

Mary Beth said...

My parish is having its fourth funeral in four weeks...this one for a major matriarch. I'm not sure how we go on, but I'm glad we do.

You're in my prayers tonight.

"PS" (a.k.a. purple) said...

Hugs from here also.

MumPastor said...

A big thank you to all who wrote - it is so helpful to know I am not alone in this feeling or this calling. Blessings to you all!

Bethany said...

So sorry to hear of your sadness - and loneliness. I, too, am discovering in my first year as a pastor that pastoral care is becoming not easier with practice but more difficult.

There is a beautiful woman in our congregation that is dying and I am just not sure how I am going to get through her funeral.

I am doing my best to trust God more and more to give me what we need, for it is he that will mend our broken hearts back together again and again.